#Better Late Than Never 13

Hey guys!!!!

So, i’ve been up and down the past few days…I feel SO numb emotionally…it sucks, but i’m thinking it may be because of the risperidone. I HATE not being able to feel, it makes me want to feel sad and cry, but I can’t even do that. Effects of Risperidone is a douche, I tell you, it turns you into a zombie. LOL…If anyone is in a predicament and they’re wondering if they should take it….do NOT take anti-psychotics…I repeat DO NOT! I want to come off them, they make my sleep unnatural too, which leaves me feeling weird in the mornings…feeling like I don’t want to get out of bed and can’t be bothered with life, not suicidal but a general mehhh feeling. Which I also hate.

I had suicidal thoughts this morning…along with the emotional numbness. It sucks ass, but on the plus side…i start college next week…i have to take two buses…i just hope and pray i can stick to the journey and complete the course LOL xD

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#Better Late Than Never 11

Hey guys,

I’m SO sorry that I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been super busy and stuff. So I graduated college, thank goodness, that’s finally over 😀 I passed everything and received some merits, i’m super happy to be honest. I’m going to sew a long sleeved top soon, probably this winter haha

I want to set up a business, make music videos and live a happy, fulfilling life.

Oh yeah, guys, guess what bad news I have…I’ve been having what’s called intrusive thoughts, I bleeping HATE them, they’re evil, evil I tell you. They make me have these thoughts and voices, telling me to do horrible things to my family. I swear I HATE them with all my might. I want them gone. Anyone know a cure? Please inform me xoxoxoxo

Peace Out Ninjas xoxoxoxo

#Better Late Than Never 10

Yaay! So this week so far, i’ve been feeling pretty good. I feel positive towards life and i’ve decided to come off Prozac, I kicked it down the toilet as I no longer want to take that damned anti-depressant, my psych dr, doesn’t know that I’ve stopped taking it completely, he said to ween myself off of it; I strongly disagreed but told him I’ll do that MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I feel like i’ve won one over on my psych dr, i’m next seeing him on the 20th of July, that’s in a few weeks…he’s going to ask about the Prozac, I’ll just simply tell him that I’ve stopped taking it 😀 What can he do? NOTHING! He can’t force me to take something that I don’t want to take. My aim is to come off of my anti-psychotic too and be med free, but one step at a time 😉 

I went to the park today, which was fun and i’m still not sure if i’m still Muslim. I feel Muslim in my heart but in terms of practicing, other than observing hijab, I am NO LONGER Muslim. It doesn’t make me feel as sad as it did before as I know that I’ll return to Islam full heartedly later on in life insha’Allah.

 

Fluoxetine (Prozac) Diaries #2

Hey guys,

It turns out that I’m beginning to think my fluoxetine has stopped working for me, or made no difference at all, I think it’s just came to a halt at the low dosage I’m currently on (10mg), mostly because I was quite anxious to start it…just like I was with Risperdal. But even Risperdal has stopped making changes now.

I had my appointment with the psychologist today, to be honest we just spoke about some of the things I see and the voices and what I think they are etc. I told her I think that they’re spirits, which I do. This is why a part of me thinks, do I even NEED risperdal, when I’m possibly just psychic. But to be honest my episodes and anxiety issues have calmed down A LOT since the risperdal. I reckon my psych doctor, that I’ll see in a few weeks is going to increase my dosage of Risperdal and Fluoxetine, I don’t have much of a problem with that, they do make it easier to function correctly but not completely well, with day to day living.

My main worry is this…how do us people with mental health issues and psychosis date? how do we go about getting married like the people without these issues do…how do we tell our date about our health issues, without them running a mile away LOL. I know I’d be up to dating someone with similar issues to myself, stigma isn’t nice.

Peace Out Ninjas 🙂 

xoxoxo

#Better Late Than Never 8

Hey, hey guys! Goodness it’s been such a LONG time that I’ve posted. Eeesh! (A new word of mine). But so much has been happening since December and now, both good and not so good lol.

Anxiety Update:

I’ve been diagnosed with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) this was a few months back now, I’m not sure if I had already told you guys. But I know I did promise one 🙂

I’ve also been prescribed prozac/fluexotine, which I’m hoping to start either a new blog on or new posts on here…hmmm.

I’ve got new siblings too, beautiful twin girls ❤ that’s going great, I love them dearly. I’m also dating a new guy that I love dearly too, who I’ve been great friends with prior to us dating, I just hope that things work out well with him.

More on the bad side, I’ve been too anxious to go to work, so I’ve not worked since the 1st of January, due to fear 😦 I do casual work, so I don’t get paid for time off or anything. I’ve also had way too many ‘psychotic’ episodes, even though I don’t believe I’m psychotic or delusional, even though the dr says so to attend college, so I’ve missed a whole semester, I do want to continue, I have SO much work to catch up on 😦 …hmmm, I guess I’ll go into all of this in more detail on my other blog or new posts, don’t worry guys, I will post a link to it within the next few days or knowing me….

It’s Better Late Than Never

Peace Out my homies :* xoxoxo