#Better Late Than Never 10

Yaay! So this week so far, i’ve been feeling pretty good. I feel positive towards life and i’ve decided to come off Prozac, I kicked it down the toilet as I no longer want to take that damned anti-depressant, my psych dr, doesn’t know that I’ve stopped taking it completely, he said to ween myself off of it; I strongly disagreed but told him I’ll do that MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I feel like i’ve won one over on my psych dr, i’m next seeing him on the 20th of July, that’s in a few weeks…he’s going to ask about the Prozac, I’ll just simply tell him that I’ve stopped taking it 😀 What can he do? NOTHING! He can’t force me to take something that I don’t want to take. My aim is to come off of my anti-psychotic too and be med free, but one step at a time 😉 

I went to the park today, which was fun and i’m still not sure if i’m still Muslim. I feel Muslim in my heart but in terms of practicing, other than observing hijab, I am NO LONGER Muslim. It doesn’t make me feel as sad as it did before as I know that I’ll return to Islam full heartedly later on in life insha’Allah.

 

#Better Late Than Never 9

This week has been odd to be honest, it’s been great and then not so great! I’ve been ecstatic and sad in the same week. The other day, I was feeling suicidal. I’m not proud of it and it breaks my heart typing how I felt, but I did. 

I was contemplating to overdose on my Fluoxetine (Prozac) then I thought narh, I’ll overdose on Risperidone (Risperdal) but even that I was too scared to do. I mean I know it wouldn’t work, but just the thought of having to go to the hospital and most likely get my stomach pumped or be on saline drip, frightened the living heck out of me, excuse the pun. I even got up off of my bed to go and overdose, I opened my small fridge, taken out the meds as I take them in the liquid form and I put the bottle to my mouth, getting ready to swallow. But something stopped me, that something was FEAR and I decided to hold on; and boy, am I glad that I did as later on that evening I had a good time. This is why we should always hold on when we feel suicidal, as it’ll pass.

I didn’t want to die, I still don’t want to die, I love life and living and I’m not selfish enough to take my own life, but at that moment, for those minutes, that is how I felt.

On the bright side, I’ve had a lovely day to day, I went to the library with my cousin oh and it was my birthday a week ago! I had an excellent time, had some friends and family over, got some music and snacks going. I had a blast, my friends didn’t enjoy my playlist of metal mixed with pop and urban though, who cares I did 😀 

I received some lovely gifts, I had gotten a nook glowlight which I’m over the moon with, if you guys want me to do a product review on this I can. I also received a teddy bear, that I’m yet to name LOL!

And to anyone that is going through a suicidal mindset, please hold on and remember that each day is a new day. I love you, you’re a beautiful person, BELIEVE IT and you WILL see BETTER days ❤ 

– Peace Out My Ninjas xoxoxoxox