#Better Late Than Never 11

Hey guys,

I’m SO sorry that I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been super busy and stuff. So I graduated college, thank goodness, that’s finally over 😀 I passed everything and received some merits, i’m super happy to be honest. I’m going to sew a long sleeved top soon, probably this winter haha

I want to set up a business, make music videos and live a happy, fulfilling life.

Oh yeah, guys, guess what bad news I have…I’ve been having what’s called intrusive thoughts, I bleeping HATE them, they’re evil, evil I tell you. They make me have these thoughts and voices, telling me to do horrible things to my family. I swear I HATE them with all my might. I want them gone. Anyone know a cure? Please inform me xoxoxoxo

Peace Out Ninjas xoxoxoxo

#Better Late Than Never 10

Yaay! So this week so far, i’ve been feeling pretty good. I feel positive towards life and i’ve decided to come off Prozac, I kicked it down the toilet as I no longer want to take that damned anti-depressant, my psych dr, doesn’t know that I’ve stopped taking it completely, he said to ween myself off of it; I strongly disagreed but told him I’ll do that MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I feel like i’ve won one over on my psych dr, i’m next seeing him on the 20th of July, that’s in a few weeks…he’s going to ask about the Prozac, I’ll just simply tell him that I’ve stopped taking it 😀 What can he do? NOTHING! He can’t force me to take something that I don’t want to take. My aim is to come off of my anti-psychotic too and be med free, but one step at a time 😉 

I went to the park today, which was fun and i’m still not sure if i’m still Muslim. I feel Muslim in my heart but in terms of practicing, other than observing hijab, I am NO LONGER Muslim. It doesn’t make me feel as sad as it did before as I know that I’ll return to Islam full heartedly later on in life insha’Allah.

 

#Better Late Than Never 9

This week has been odd to be honest, it’s been great and then not so great! I’ve been ecstatic and sad in the same week. The other day, I was feeling suicidal. I’m not proud of it and it breaks my heart typing how I felt, but I did. 

I was contemplating to overdose on my Fluoxetine (Prozac) then I thought narh, I’ll overdose on Risperidone (Risperdal) but even that I was too scared to do. I mean I know it wouldn’t work, but just the thought of having to go to the hospital and most likely get my stomach pumped or be on saline drip, frightened the living heck out of me, excuse the pun. I even got up off of my bed to go and overdose, I opened my small fridge, taken out the meds as I take them in the liquid form and I put the bottle to my mouth, getting ready to swallow. But something stopped me, that something was FEAR and I decided to hold on; and boy, am I glad that I did as later on that evening I had a good time. This is why we should always hold on when we feel suicidal, as it’ll pass.

I didn’t want to die, I still don’t want to die, I love life and living and I’m not selfish enough to take my own life, but at that moment, for those minutes, that is how I felt.

On the bright side, I’ve had a lovely day to day, I went to the library with my cousin oh and it was my birthday a week ago! I had an excellent time, had some friends and family over, got some music and snacks going. I had a blast, my friends didn’t enjoy my playlist of metal mixed with pop and urban though, who cares I did 😀 

I received some lovely gifts, I had gotten a nook glowlight which I’m over the moon with, if you guys want me to do a product review on this I can. I also received a teddy bear, that I’m yet to name LOL!

And to anyone that is going through a suicidal mindset, please hold on and remember that each day is a new day. I love you, you’re a beautiful person, BELIEVE IT and you WILL see BETTER days ❤ 

– Peace Out My Ninjas xoxoxoxox

 

Fluoxetine (Prozac) Diaries #1

Hey guys!

So, my p dr prescribed me 10mg of fluoxetine. I’ve been taking it roughly one month now. I was prescribed it for anxiety, OCD and mood, however i’m not seeing much improvement…

My first few nights on fluoexitine were….hmmm…a little different, I was wide awake all night and the early hours of the morning, I mean i’m usually always awake late anyway, however this time, I actually WANTED to go to sleep and done everything possible to make the daunting process happen. It just took it’s jolly sweet time!

I had the most awkward ‘review’ appointment with my GP as well, it was really weird, a few days ago my family had went to the clinic, he had asked how I am and stated he wants to see me…SO my amazing family members/main carer had arranged an appointment. Not only did I have no genuine idea what the Dr may have wanted BUT I had arrived an hour earlier…while waiting to see the GP, I had noticed one of my ‘shadow’ people, which I hadn’t known to be a hallucination, until I was told that not everyone sees them…which I had believed to be the case for many years *face palm*. 

An hour passes by and I see the GP, he asks what I’ve came to see him for, I reply…I don’t know…it remains awkwardly silent for more than 10 seconds…he eventually then says, no idea at all?, I reply…well, you said you wanted to see me the other day. This rather bamboozled Dr, returns from his sudden amnesia and says oh yea! how are things…you look a lot better than the last time I seen you, less fidgety. I reply yea, I currently take fluoxetine and I’m going to begin Risperidone soon, he tells me how important it is to take my meds, I agree and return home. 

All that waiting for awkwardness aye! LOL

 

#Better Late Than Never 8

Hey, hey guys! Goodness it’s been such a LONG time that I’ve posted. Eeesh! (A new word of mine). But so much has been happening since December and now, both good and not so good lol.

Anxiety Update:

I’ve been diagnosed with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) this was a few months back now, I’m not sure if I had already told you guys. But I know I did promise one 🙂

I’ve also been prescribed prozac/fluexotine, which I’m hoping to start either a new blog on or new posts on here…hmmm.

I’ve got new siblings too, beautiful twin girls ❤ that’s going great, I love them dearly. I’m also dating a new guy that I love dearly too, who I’ve been great friends with prior to us dating, I just hope that things work out well with him.

More on the bad side, I’ve been too anxious to go to work, so I’ve not worked since the 1st of January, due to fear 😦 I do casual work, so I don’t get paid for time off or anything. I’ve also had way too many ‘psychotic’ episodes, even though I don’t believe I’m psychotic or delusional, even though the dr says so to attend college, so I’ve missed a whole semester, I do want to continue, I have SO much work to catch up on 😦 …hmmm, I guess I’ll go into all of this in more detail on my other blog or new posts, don’t worry guys, I will post a link to it within the next few days or knowing me….

It’s Better Late Than Never

Peace Out my homies :* xoxoxo

#Better Late Than Never 4 #Online Shopping

Hey guys! 

I LOVE online shopping, not sure whether you know or not…but it’s all I do. I do know, I told you guys earlier on about my anxiety issues (I need to give you an update on that later on), well, as a result of these anxiety problems, I have developed a long lasting relationship, between my laptop and BUY button on websites. 

I mean, I don’t buy pointless things, I only buy what I need or really want, I keep a checklist of the things I haven’t yet bought and tick them off as I’ve bought them, items can be on my checklist for 1-2 years, but they WILL be bought. I can guarantee you. I don’t like to know that I’ve spent money as such, when I buy in stores, I usually have to use cash, which I’m ALWAYS reluctant to do, I just don’t feel like the purchase was satisfying, I feel like, I just wasted my money on something I could’ve got at a better quality or cheaper online. Plus, I hate dealing with retail assistants and check out people/cashiers, oh and customer service. Online, I don’t have to speak to any shop worker or see them, if there’s a problem, which is HIGHLY unlikely, all I have to do is send a simple e-mail…

The more I think about it, it’s the more that I realise, whoever invented online shopping must have been socially awkward and suffer from social anxiety, it’s like an anxiety sufferers haven. GOOD JOB, whoever it was! 🙂  

#BetterLateThanNever

Oh and sorry for the absence :/ xoxo

#Better Late Than Never 2 #Sorry!

Hey guys!!!! I’m sorry if you feel like it’s been forever since I last posted…I know I do…eeks, Cristiana, is that a guilty conscious there? Yes. I think it is.

Well guys, I guess you’ll want to know what I’ve been doing. In a nutshell, I’ve had a few really bad panic attacks in the past few days. I had the worst one ever on Thursday, no exaggeration. It was HORRIBLE! So, let’s not speak of it 🙂

I baked a strawberry crumble tonight and ate it with custard, I baked it for myself and my household family…it was really nice! 

Earlier on in the day, I went to this suburb further south to my suburb (trying to not mention locations haha) for some shopping I guess. I then came back to my area and visited the fabric shops across the road from my house and I bought a nice, turquoise, jersey material. You guessed it…I hope! I’m going to sew a sweater. I’m SO excited to sew haha. As soon as I get our Brother sewing machine up and running…Apparently the bobbing isn’t on properly or something like that. Ugh! I began to sew together my dress from an unfinished sewing project and YES, it decided to not sew. So after a good hour or so of playing about trying to get this darn machine working and still in the process of adding the lace in place on the torso of my dress, my father shouted me, turns out he and my mother were expecting the FINISHED product, as they heard the sewing machine working LOL. I will complete it #BetterLateThanNever

Sorry, if this was too lengthy haha. My hands are sore after typing this out…I hope you’ve enjoyed it 🙂 Let me know what you think and if you have any sewing machine advice, PLEASE be a project saver and advise me. Much Appreciated 

xoxo