#Better Late Than Never 9

This week has been odd to be honest, it’s been great and then not so great! I’ve been ecstatic and sad in the same week. The other day, I was feeling suicidal. I’m not proud of it and it breaks my heart typing how I felt, but I did. 

I was contemplating to overdose on my Fluoxetine (Prozac) then I thought narh, I’ll overdose on Risperidone (Risperdal) but even that I was too scared to do. I mean I know it wouldn’t work, but just the thought of having to go to the hospital and most likely get my stomach pumped or be on saline drip, frightened the living heck out of me, excuse the pun. I even got up off of my bed to go and overdose, I opened my small fridge, taken out the meds as I take them in the liquid form and I put the bottle to my mouth, getting ready to swallow. But something stopped me, that something was FEAR and I decided to hold on; and boy, am I glad that I did as later on that evening I had a good time. This is why we should always hold on when we feel suicidal, as it’ll pass.

I didn’t want to die, I still don’t want to die, I love life and living and I’m not selfish enough to take my own life, but at that moment, for those minutes, that is how I felt.

On the bright side, I’ve had a lovely day to day, I went to the library with my cousin oh and it was my birthday a week ago! I had an excellent time, had some friends and family over, got some music and snacks going. I had a blast, my friends didn’t enjoy my playlist of metal mixed with pop and urban though, who cares I did 😀 

I received some lovely gifts, I had gotten a nook glowlight which I’m over the moon with, if you guys want me to do a product review on this I can. I also received a teddy bear, that I’m yet to name LOL!

And to anyone that is going through a suicidal mindset, please hold on and remember that each day is a new day. I love you, you’re a beautiful person, BELIEVE IT and you WILL see BETTER days ❤ 

– Peace Out My Ninjas xoxoxoxox

 

Fluoxetine (Prozac) Diaries #2

Hey guys,

It turns out that I’m beginning to think my fluoxetine has stopped working for me, or made no difference at all, I think it’s just came to a halt at the low dosage I’m currently on (10mg), mostly because I was quite anxious to start it…just like I was with Risperdal. But even Risperdal has stopped making changes now.

I had my appointment with the psychologist today, to be honest we just spoke about some of the things I see and the voices and what I think they are etc. I told her I think that they’re spirits, which I do. This is why a part of me thinks, do I even NEED risperdal, when I’m possibly just psychic. But to be honest my episodes and anxiety issues have calmed down A LOT since the risperdal. I reckon my psych doctor, that I’ll see in a few weeks is going to increase my dosage of Risperdal and Fluoxetine, I don’t have much of a problem with that, they do make it easier to function correctly but not completely well, with day to day living.

My main worry is this…how do us people with mental health issues and psychosis date? how do we go about getting married like the people without these issues do…how do we tell our date about our health issues, without them running a mile away LOL. I know I’d be up to dating someone with similar issues to myself, stigma isn’t nice.

Peace Out Ninjas 🙂 

xoxoxo

Biking Around Town…

Alright so this week guys, I’ve decided I want to make a film, a short 5 minute one over the summer break, keep a written journal of my day to day life and feelings…AND guess what…I’ve taken up a new hobby. Biking. Now, I just hope that I can stick to it, I’ve decided that if I can make it a weekly habit, then I’ll be pleased, the way I think about things in life goes like this 1. If you can do it everyday for a week, you can do it for a month. 2. If you can do it for a month, you can do it for a lifetime. So how many life time habits do you think you can develop? Many…I reckon.

 

I’ve also decided that I’ll most likely make a new blog about my recovery and medications, I know I mentioned this earlier, but it’s coming clearer to me now than it was before, or is it?!?! To be honest, I don’t even know…I think I want to anyway.

My biking trip was really good, I enjoyed it a lot; even though it was short and only lasted fifteen minutes. It was totally worth all of the hassle, digging my fathers old bike out of the shed. I can’t say it was too comfortable though, I reckon this hobby will last and I’ll end up buying a fold away bike…I hope so anyway.

Peace Out My Lovely Ninja’s xoxoxo

Fluoxetine (Prozac) Diaries #1

Hey guys!

So, my p dr prescribed me 10mg of fluoxetine. I’ve been taking it roughly one month now. I was prescribed it for anxiety, OCD and mood, however i’m not seeing much improvement…

My first few nights on fluoexitine were….hmmm…a little different, I was wide awake all night and the early hours of the morning, I mean i’m usually always awake late anyway, however this time, I actually WANTED to go to sleep and done everything possible to make the daunting process happen. It just took it’s jolly sweet time!

I had the most awkward ‘review’ appointment with my GP as well, it was really weird, a few days ago my family had went to the clinic, he had asked how I am and stated he wants to see me…SO my amazing family members/main carer had arranged an appointment. Not only did I have no genuine idea what the Dr may have wanted BUT I had arrived an hour earlier…while waiting to see the GP, I had noticed one of my ‘shadow’ people, which I hadn’t known to be a hallucination, until I was told that not everyone sees them…which I had believed to be the case for many years *face palm*. 

An hour passes by and I see the GP, he asks what I’ve came to see him for, I reply…I don’t know…it remains awkwardly silent for more than 10 seconds…he eventually then says, no idea at all?, I reply…well, you said you wanted to see me the other day. This rather bamboozled Dr, returns from his sudden amnesia and says oh yea! how are things…you look a lot better than the last time I seen you, less fidgety. I reply yea, I currently take fluoxetine and I’m going to begin Risperidone soon, he tells me how important it is to take my meds, I agree and return home. 

All that waiting for awkwardness aye! LOL

 

#Better Late Than Never 8

Hey, hey guys! Goodness it’s been such a LONG time that I’ve posted. Eeesh! (A new word of mine). But so much has been happening since December and now, both good and not so good lol.

Anxiety Update:

I’ve been diagnosed with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) this was a few months back now, I’m not sure if I had already told you guys. But I know I did promise one 🙂

I’ve also been prescribed prozac/fluexotine, which I’m hoping to start either a new blog on or new posts on here…hmmm.

I’ve got new siblings too, beautiful twin girls ❤ that’s going great, I love them dearly. I’m also dating a new guy that I love dearly too, who I’ve been great friends with prior to us dating, I just hope that things work out well with him.

More on the bad side, I’ve been too anxious to go to work, so I’ve not worked since the 1st of January, due to fear 😦 I do casual work, so I don’t get paid for time off or anything. I’ve also had way too many ‘psychotic’ episodes, even though I don’t believe I’m psychotic or delusional, even though the dr says so to attend college, so I’ve missed a whole semester, I do want to continue, I have SO much work to catch up on 😦 …hmmm, I guess I’ll go into all of this in more detail on my other blog or new posts, don’t worry guys, I will post a link to it within the next few days or knowing me….

It’s Better Late Than Never

Peace Out my homies :* xoxoxo

OOTD #1 autumn/fall grunge look

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In this outfit, I’m wearing a skater dress that has a leather look and chequered shirt type style, a long bell necklace, black and white striped tights with hot pink knee high socks with purple skulls and a purple ribbon (on the back) that I worn as standard socks, paired with my brown cowboy ankle boots that have a small heel.

I love this ‘grunge’ style outfit!