#Better Late Than Never 13

Hey guys!!!!

So, i’ve been up and down the past few days…I feel SO numb emotionally…it sucks, but i’m thinking it may be because of the risperidone. I HATE not being able to feel, it makes me want to feel sad and cry, but I can’t even do that. Effects of Risperidone is a douche, I tell you, it turns you into a zombie. LOL…If anyone is in a predicament and they’re wondering if they should take it….do NOT take anti-psychotics…I repeat DO NOT! I want to come off them, they make my sleep unnatural too, which leaves me feeling weird in the mornings…feeling like I don’t want to get out of bed and can’t be bothered with life, not suicidal but a general mehhh feeling. Which I also hate.

I had suicidal thoughts this morning…along with the emotional numbness. It sucks ass, but on the plus side…i start college next week…i have to take two buses…i just hope and pray i can stick to the journey and complete the course LOL xD

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#Better Late Than Never 12

okay, so i’ve not posted in a while…you guys are probably wondering what i’ve been doing lol. well, i’ve been searching out uni’s and colleges for this year and next! it’s so much hard work lololololol, oh and i’ve also started another blog, it’s called
check it out and tell me what you think haha.

#Better Late Than Never 11

Hey guys,

I’m SO sorry that I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been super busy and stuff. So I graduated college, thank goodness, that’s finally over 😀 I passed everything and received some merits, i’m super happy to be honest. I’m going to sew a long sleeved top soon, probably this winter haha

I want to set up a business, make music videos and live a happy, fulfilling life.

Oh yeah, guys, guess what bad news I have…I’ve been having what’s called intrusive thoughts, I bleeping HATE them, they’re evil, evil I tell you. They make me have these thoughts and voices, telling me to do horrible things to my family. I swear I HATE them with all my might. I want them gone. Anyone know a cure? Please inform me xoxoxoxo

Peace Out Ninjas xoxoxoxo

#Better Late Than Never 10

Yaay! So this week so far, i’ve been feeling pretty good. I feel positive towards life and i’ve decided to come off Prozac, I kicked it down the toilet as I no longer want to take that damned anti-depressant, my psych dr, doesn’t know that I’ve stopped taking it completely, he said to ween myself off of it; I strongly disagreed but told him I’ll do that MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I feel like i’ve won one over on my psych dr, i’m next seeing him on the 20th of July, that’s in a few weeks…he’s going to ask about the Prozac, I’ll just simply tell him that I’ve stopped taking it 😀 What can he do? NOTHING! He can’t force me to take something that I don’t want to take. My aim is to come off of my anti-psychotic too and be med free, but one step at a time 😉 

I went to the park today, which was fun and i’m still not sure if i’m still Muslim. I feel Muslim in my heart but in terms of practicing, other than observing hijab, I am NO LONGER Muslim. It doesn’t make me feel as sad as it did before as I know that I’ll return to Islam full heartedly later on in life insha’Allah.

 

#Better Late Than Never 9

This week has been odd to be honest, it’s been great and then not so great! I’ve been ecstatic and sad in the same week. The other day, I was feeling suicidal. I’m not proud of it and it breaks my heart typing how I felt, but I did. 

I was contemplating to overdose on my Fluoxetine (Prozac) then I thought narh, I’ll overdose on Risperidone (Risperdal) but even that I was too scared to do. I mean I know it wouldn’t work, but just the thought of having to go to the hospital and most likely get my stomach pumped or be on saline drip, frightened the living heck out of me, excuse the pun. I even got up off of my bed to go and overdose, I opened my small fridge, taken out the meds as I take them in the liquid form and I put the bottle to my mouth, getting ready to swallow. But something stopped me, that something was FEAR and I decided to hold on; and boy, am I glad that I did as later on that evening I had a good time. This is why we should always hold on when we feel suicidal, as it’ll pass.

I didn’t want to die, I still don’t want to die, I love life and living and I’m not selfish enough to take my own life, but at that moment, for those minutes, that is how I felt.

On the bright side, I’ve had a lovely day to day, I went to the library with my cousin oh and it was my birthday a week ago! I had an excellent time, had some friends and family over, got some music and snacks going. I had a blast, my friends didn’t enjoy my playlist of metal mixed with pop and urban though, who cares I did 😀 

I received some lovely gifts, I had gotten a nook glowlight which I’m over the moon with, if you guys want me to do a product review on this I can. I also received a teddy bear, that I’m yet to name LOL!

And to anyone that is going through a suicidal mindset, please hold on and remember that each day is a new day. I love you, you’re a beautiful person, BELIEVE IT and you WILL see BETTER days ❤ 

– Peace Out My Ninjas xoxoxoxox

 

#Better Late Than Never 8

Hey, hey guys! Goodness it’s been such a LONG time that I’ve posted. Eeesh! (A new word of mine). But so much has been happening since December and now, both good and not so good lol.

Anxiety Update:

I’ve been diagnosed with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) this was a few months back now, I’m not sure if I had already told you guys. But I know I did promise one 🙂

I’ve also been prescribed prozac/fluexotine, which I’m hoping to start either a new blog on or new posts on here…hmmm.

I’ve got new siblings too, beautiful twin girls ❤ that’s going great, I love them dearly. I’m also dating a new guy that I love dearly too, who I’ve been great friends with prior to us dating, I just hope that things work out well with him.

More on the bad side, I’ve been too anxious to go to work, so I’ve not worked since the 1st of January, due to fear 😦 I do casual work, so I don’t get paid for time off or anything. I’ve also had way too many ‘psychotic’ episodes, even though I don’t believe I’m psychotic or delusional, even though the dr says so to attend college, so I’ve missed a whole semester, I do want to continue, I have SO much work to catch up on 😦 …hmmm, I guess I’ll go into all of this in more detail on my other blog or new posts, don’t worry guys, I will post a link to it within the next few days or knowing me….

It’s Better Late Than Never

Peace Out my homies :* xoxoxo

#Better Late Than Never 7

Was up my ninjas!?!?! LOOL

Well, guys how is everyone doing? My laptop broke 😦 and I’m working my ass off to try and save for a new one, with phone bills to pay and travel/food costs, it isn’t going so well…oh and social life!

My life is feeling like a teenage drama tv show o.O LOL, it’s fun though, so I LOVE it xD

Truly excited for the Xmas break 😀 ahhh, I’d love if it snowed 😀

Peace Out my lovelies