So, i’ve been up and down the past few days…I feel SO numb emotionally…it sucks, but i’m thinking it may be because of the risperidone. I HATE not being able to feel, it makes me want to feel sad and cry, but I can’t even do that. Effects of Risperidone is a douche, I tell you, it turns you into a zombie. LOL…If anyone is in a predicament and they’re wondering if they should take it….do NOT take anti-psychotics…I repeat DO NOT! I want to come off them, they make my sleep unnatural too, which leaves me feeling weird in the mornings…feeling like I don’t want to get out of bed and can’t be bothered with life, not suicidal but a general mehhh feeling. Which I also hate.
I had suicidal thoughts this morning…along with the emotional numbness. It sucks ass, but on the plus side…i start college next week…i have to take two buses…i just hope and pray i can stick to the journey and complete the course LOL xD
okay, so i’ve not posted in a while…you guys are probably wondering what i’ve been doing lol. well, i’ve been searching out uni’s and colleges for this year and next! it’s so much hard work lololololol, oh and i’ve also started another blog, it’s called
check it out and tell me what you think haha.
Guess what!?!? I’m going to the big city London tomorrow, all on my own, oh how much of a big girl I am hahaha. I’m super excited, my train leaves early in the morning, I really can’t wait. I might not take the tube while I’m there, because I might get lost. My older sister claims that I can’t get lost on the tube or in London, I beg to differ ahahaha. I wonder if my bus pass, will work on London buses, it should do…I sure hope it does to be honest, as I want to take the bus and many pictures. This is a holiday, after all haha. I’ve got my suitcase packed and all my snacks packed too, I’m ready for this trip 😀
Today was great too, I went for a meal with my family and ate tons…I’m still hungry though guys. Ah well, it was worth the treat and a blast.
In case you are wondering where I disappeared to, my panic attacks have been sky high lately and I was almost admitted into hospital, which would’ve sucked, so I’m glad my father got to me before the ambulance did, I sure gave my social worker or whatever title she has a fright, man, mental health sucks sometimes LOL
I’m SO sorry that I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been super busy and stuff. So I graduated college, thank goodness, that’s finally over 😀 I passed everything and received some merits, i’m super happy to be honest. I’m going to sew a long sleeved top soon, probably this winter haha
I want to set up a business, make music videos and live a happy, fulfilling life.
Oh yeah, guys, guess what bad news I have…I’ve been having what’s called intrusive thoughts, I bleeping HATE them, they’re evil, evil I tell you. They make me have these thoughts and voices, telling me to do horrible things to my family. I swear I HATE them with all my might. I want them gone. Anyone know a cure? Please inform me xoxoxoxo
“You have a secret. A secret you’ve been keeping for years if not forever from your family, your friends, your boss, and maybe even yourself. A secret so secret that if people knew, it might change your relationships. They might judge you. They might hate you. They might even fear you. You’re different. You’re weird. You’re sick. You’ve tried to change it, but it’s just who you are, and you can’t keep it inside any more.
Bipolar. Bi-polar. Manic Depressive. It doesn’t get easier the more you say it. You try to use “mood disorder” or “depressed” instead because you think it will have less stigma, but you know the truth. At the moment of diagnosis, you went from being that person — the eccentric-but-sometimes-sad creative — to that person: the crazy one. You know, the person on the subway who you avert your eyes from because you…
Yaay! So this week so far, i’ve been feeling pretty good. I feel positive towards life and i’ve decided to come off Prozac, I kicked it down the toilet as I no longer want to take that damned anti-depressant, my psych dr, doesn’t know that I’ve stopped taking it completely, he said to ween myself off of it; I strongly disagreed but told him I’ll do that MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I feel like i’ve won one over on my psych dr, i’m next seeing him on the 20th of July, that’s in a few weeks…he’s going to ask about the Prozac, I’ll just simply tell him that I’ve stopped taking it 😀 What can he do? NOTHING! He can’t force me to take something that I don’t want to take. My aim is to come off of my anti-psychotic too and be med free, but one step at a time 😉
I went to the park today, which was fun and i’m still not sure if i’m still Muslim. I feel Muslim in my heart but in terms of practicing, other than observing hijab, I am NO LONGER Muslim. It doesn’t make me feel as sad as it did before as I know that I’ll return to Islam full heartedly later on in life insha’Allah.
So, i’m not sure if you guys are aware but i reverted to Islam almost 3 years ago. Well, I’m not proud to say it but I recently physically left Islam, in my heart i’m still a Muslim, even though I can’t and don’t practice it right now, i still believe that Muhammad PBUH is the last prophet and Allah SWT is the true God and that Islam is the only way to God. Just at this moment I can’t practice, so I feel it’s better if i physically leave, which I have done. So maybe in a few more years I will retake my shahadah. This has deeply saddened me and I come to tears when i speak it aloud 😥
If you can offer words of advice, i’ll greatly appreciate it xoxoxoxo