#Better Late Than Never 9

This week has been odd to be honest, it’s been great and then not so great! I’ve been ecstatic and sad in the same week. The other day, I was feeling suicidal. I’m not proud of it and it breaks my heart typing how I felt, but I did. 

I was contemplating to overdose on my Fluoxetine (Prozac) then I thought narh, I’ll overdose on Risperidone (Risperdal) but even that I was too scared to do. I mean I know it wouldn’t work, but just the thought of having to go to the hospital and most likely get my stomach pumped or be on saline drip, frightened the living heck out of me, excuse the pun. I even got up off of my bed to go and overdose, I opened my small fridge, taken out the meds as I take them in the liquid form and I put the bottle to my mouth, getting ready to swallow. But something stopped me, that something was FEAR and I decided to hold on; and boy, am I glad that I did as later on that evening I had a good time. This is why we should always hold on when we feel suicidal, as it’ll pass.

I didn’t want to die, I still don’t want to die, I love life and living and I’m not selfish enough to take my own life, but at that moment, for those minutes, that is how I felt.

On the bright side, I’ve had a lovely day to day, I went to the library with my cousin oh and it was my birthday a week ago! I had an excellent time, had some friends and family over, got some music and snacks going. I had a blast, my friends didn’t enjoy my playlist of metal mixed with pop and urban though, who cares I did 😀 

I received some lovely gifts, I had gotten a nook glowlight which I’m over the moon with, if you guys want me to do a product review on this I can. I also received a teddy bear, that I’m yet to name LOL!

And to anyone that is going through a suicidal mindset, please hold on and remember that each day is a new day. I love you, you’re a beautiful person, BELIEVE IT and you WILL see BETTER days ❤ 

– Peace Out My Ninjas xoxoxoxox

 

Fluoxetine (Prozac) Diaries #2

Hey guys,

It turns out that I’m beginning to think my fluoxetine has stopped working for me, or made no difference at all, I think it’s just came to a halt at the low dosage I’m currently on (10mg), mostly because I was quite anxious to start it…just like I was with Risperdal. But even Risperdal has stopped making changes now.

I had my appointment with the psychologist today, to be honest we just spoke about some of the things I see and the voices and what I think they are etc. I told her I think that they’re spirits, which I do. This is why a part of me thinks, do I even NEED risperdal, when I’m possibly just psychic. But to be honest my episodes and anxiety issues have calmed down A LOT since the risperdal. I reckon my psych doctor, that I’ll see in a few weeks is going to increase my dosage of Risperdal and Fluoxetine, I don’t have much of a problem with that, they do make it easier to function correctly but not completely well, with day to day living.

My main worry is this…how do us people with mental health issues and psychosis date? how do we go about getting married like the people without these issues do…how do we tell our date about our health issues, without them running a mile away LOL. I know I’d be up to dating someone with similar issues to myself, stigma isn’t nice.

Peace Out Ninjas 🙂 

xoxoxo